How to Write Efficiently on Planes

Your right elbow is two centimeters from your neighboring passenger's and if his eyes wander toward your computer screen ONE MORE TIME, you'll use it. The woman in front of you finally stopped yapping at the top of her vocal capabilities only to recline her chair back so far back it nearly crushes your beloved laptop, ripping you from the end of what was sure to be your most poignant sentence to date. (Crap! What was I saying???) She then snores through your none-too-subtle knee jabs to her back, which seems to trigger a nearby infant’s screaming fit. But you have three uninterrupted hours to WRITE! And dang-nabbit, you're going to.



How you ask? Here is what's working—er, um...I imagine would work, for me:

1. Open a document or web page featuring information sure to off-put your neighbor. StopVaginitisNow.com for example, terrifies young, embarrass-able males... Masturbation Techniques for Her might stave off a persnickity, anti-feminist female. (Caution: Do not mistakenly use option B for passenger A.)

2. Type I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS, BUSTER! in bold, large letters. (If you feel so moved, add cuss words.)


3. Bring your fire to the page. This is your win-win. Gather all of your frustration and convert it into writing fuel. Use your anger to strategically kill off the bad guy...your despair to convey the loneliness an imprisoned woman feels knowing she may never pursue her dreams...your humor to write a goofy satire involving a frustrated writer whose trouble-filled plane ride leads to fame, fortune and countless best-sellers...

Ideas to add? Please...do tell.

Ten Things I Loved About ThrillerFest

1. NYC!
2. Submersion in bookworms.
3. Eavesdropping—er, um, overhearing cordial conversations about blood, murder, weapons and psychopaths.
4. Waking to car horns. (How I've missed that...)
5. The smell of sweet nuts poking through the humid garbage stench.
6. Hanging with two of my favorite artists. (Thanks A & R!)
7. Books...and more books...
8. A new book I could scarcely put down.
9. This comment: "Your protagonist is female? The agents already want you!"
10. This comment: "Send me the whole thing. Pronto."